While writing this lines i am still trembling, speak- and sleepless since 36 hours. I dived into a nightmare i was never expecting in this impact. Let me do now a review how all came as it is now.
Since a few weeks i was experimenting again with RLV and it´s possibilities and lustful satisfaction you can get if you are ready for isolation, suffering and humiliation.
Playing with my Bad-Day-Skirt was my daily thing for a good amount of days and i had very intense, slutty and many sexual degrading hours with it.
I got scanned, tracked and kidnapped by very interesting people who brought me to exciting places, used and abused me hard and sealed my reputation as very dirty slut.
Permanent hornyness surrounded me and i got the stimulation i needed and wanted in secret.
Also my work in the bordello at Glint was going on and by surprise i got involved into the "Pain vs. Pleasure" event which was going on there last Friday. The big winner was at all was Robin and as dominant Miss Nest in the category pain.
I was on the pain part too in the second round and not really experienced with that - so i failed. Mistress T was the dominant on my side and she did a great sadistic artwork on me as she mauled me with needles on the top of my fingers.
I screamed a lot although i realized that this was just the beginner level of pain and real body torture. The most people were bored by my actions and our act was not listed in the official report of this event on the Dark Den Website.
This made me sad and i was contemplating what i have to do to upgrade myself and learning new skills on this theme which is not my nature and sexual stimulation.
The most people just see me as a weak instable newbie in the really serious areas of dominance and true submission. I wanted bring this prejudice to an end - also in awareness to got muted by a high positioned Dark Den Staff Member who declared me, weeks ago after a few minutes of harsh and inadequate smalltalk, as not worthy to roleplay with. He told me that my slave-name "hole" would just mean the little passage on my head where my brain leaked out and i got flagged as dumb and many citizens (not all!) ignores me since this day. I wanted and wished that such moments would never happen again and felt ready for a bit study and workout on my skills.
Frustrated and mentally down i searched for locations which would be useful for learning to bear with pain and heavy torture. After reading weblogs and researching for my curious, overweening needs i stumbled upon a place called Glass´n Stone House. I red their blog and felt the experience and profession which is manifested there.
Many times i teleported inside the landing-point there but was mentally not able to let myself fall into this for me new kind of happening. Somewhere down the road i decided to catch a role-tag and got transported into a very secure cell in their cellar. I realized that i became a prey for very sadistic clients who visit the location to do the most thinkable cruelty and often deadly ending treatments on the victims caged there.
Very quickly i met residents there who warned me to think about my decision and the consequences which will happen to me. I have to say that the staff people and club-slaves acted very very professional and the OOC-Care of them was exemplary.
Not long after my arrival there i got in contact with the first wardens, staff-members and also the first clients. It started not too extreme and still i was thrilled about the further hours and what will happen to me.
After a couple of hours i was pulled into a pretty long session with heavy whipping of my back, torturing of my ball joints and finally a sewing of my labia. I screamed like a wounded animal and got bound on a wooden horse to make matters worse. Normally i have sexual satisfaction by my doings in the fields of BDSM and humiliation but in this case i was just crying and suffering in a form i didn´t know before.
My mind collapsed as hours later another very sadistic dominant showed up and noticed me helpless suffering on the medieval wooden horse. He was laughing about me and pulled out a very sharp knife. He announced to cut off my nipples, breasts and labia.
After an insane screaming of mine he did as advertised and i lost my nipples and one breast. While bleeding out i vomited and passed out. The last memory i kept was his laughing face then i passed out.
I came around later at the regeneration hospital of this horrible place and had to thank the club-slaves Lucy and Becka who brought me there and saved my life - my physical life.
My DNA was scanned and saved in the local medic-library database and so my breast and entire body got healed and reconstructed perfectly.
The mental affection of the torture is still affecting me in an unknown very intense way. For many hours i was unable to talk with other people and friends around. I was isolating myself and stayed alone at my land for a while. My body was still trembling and my mind kept scared extremely.
It was not the horrible pain i had to go through which made me contemplative - it was the routine and implicitness of the sadists who treated me. I felt so incredible sad, lost and broken that i was unable to find rest in my RL - still now.
I am absolutely not in the position to judge about the people who treated me - all of them acted highly professional and also the OOC feedback was on a high level. The fault based on myself as i decided to get into this kind of roleplay although i never before was thrilled, stimulated or fascinated by this kind of cruelty. I really don´t know which devil was riding me to do this on me.
I visited the place again and had another more less cruel experience with a familar sadistic person, but until now my usual love for sex and naughty things is gone. Lust and the self assurance i had before is blown away. The people around me notice that something happened with me but i am unable to talk about this with the most of my contacts. The only helpful moment was a longer talk with the very experienced bordello-bouncer Kragen yesterday at Glint. He was able to calm me down a little and i was able to reflect the happenings a bit.
Also very very kind citizens at Glint and Morken, my hometown, were able to make me feel better than before.
I hope really that i will be able to delete the impressions and pictures of the last day in my mind - not really sure if this is possible.
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